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The Red Pump Project

Friday, September 30, 2011

Everyday Zombies!

Zombies have become very popular lately. AMC's “The Walking Dead” has really pumped up zombies Q-rating. Zombies have been around in stories, books and film for a very long time. While zombies aren't as romantic as vampires, they do have their own certain attraction. I've always felt that becoming a zombie was more attainable than becoming a vampire. Ask any person that's a parent. They'll tell you exactly what being a zombie is like.

Right after the amazement of creating a human being wears off, you realize that you're going through a metamorphosis and the life you knew is slowly becoming unrecognizable – as are you! Babies don't sleep. This trend continues right through to teenage years when they sleep all day and stay up all night. (My theory is that vampires are based on teenagers.) Do you know what sleep deprivation does to your brain? It envelopes it in a thick fog like substance so that even remembering to change your underwear becomes monumental task.

The brain vanishing continues as you spend days, weeks and months with your child watching things like Yo Gabba Gabba (this even sounds like zombie noises!), Dora the Explorer, Sesame Street; without adult interaction or beer. You start to loose verbal skills. You tend to babble unintelligibly. This frustrating inability to speak also continues as your baby grows. Have you ever seen and/or heard a parent standing over a screaming, heel-kicking, floor-banging tantrum throwing toddler trying not to scream at the top of their lungs, “FUCKING SHUT THE FUCK UP!”?
You really can't let loose and swear like a drunken sailor in front of your child no matter how unreasonable they're being. So the parent gurgles and gasps swallowing those nasty words as their eyes start to bulge and spittle sprays as they desperately try to hold down the anger and reason with the little monster darling. That's zombie behavior right there. And have you seen all the stuff you need to tote around when you have a baby? Car seat, baby carrier, stroller, thing you put in the baby carrier to keep the baby's head straight, thing to put in the shopping cart so you don't get germs on the baby, diapers, baby wipes, disinfectant, butt paste, wipes to get baby puke off of you, boogie wipes, bottles, make-my-baby-a-genius educational toys – it goes on and on and on. Parents look like pack mules going over the High Sierras. No wonder they all have back problems and touchy sciatic nerves causing them to lurch around like zombies!
Having children will transform you forever. That's scary, right? Probably scarier than the flesh-eating zombies from “Night of The Living Dead”. And you know what? Kids are even proud of turning you into a zombie. Check these items out by Howdygal. I'm a parent so I know of what I speak. My children are grown but once a zombie, always a zombie. It was because of my own zombiedom that I was able to see it in others.


Someday take the time to watch parents of young children leave a theme park, carnival, fair, etc. after a long day with the ankle-biters. Their eyes are blank, they move with slow, uneven steps, they're dirty – covered in ice cream, cotton candy, hot dog, yogurt and soy milk and probably vomit. They are usually pushing or dragging children, oblivious to the screams and tears being shed. Those parents know exactly why some animals eat their young. They have become ZOMBIES! Those poor, pitiful parents became the inspiration for my Zombie Mommie dolls. Just because I'm a zombie doesn't mean I lost my sense of humor along with my brain!

Zombie Mommies by nitebyrd

There are other types of everyday, semi-scary zombies beside the I'm-A-Parent Zombie. This is why I think that zombies are much more relevant than vampires. You undoubtedly know some, the Soul-Sucking-Dead-End-Job Zombie and the Depression Zombie. I actually am both of those type zombies, too. But those are stories for another time.

The Zombie Mommies in the picture have all gone to their final un-resting places.  I'm resurrecting some more right now.  Keep checking my Etsy shop!

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I'd like to thank Sharon from GHOST HUNTING THEORIES for sponsoring this Blog Walk. I hope y'all will take some time to visit the other blogs that are participating. Show 'em some zombie love, 'K?



Thursday, September 29, 2011

BOOBIE-THON 2011

It's that time again, folks!  Bare your boobs and moobs for The 10th Annual BOOBIETHON

Pictures are being accepted now as are DONATIONS!!!!  I'm a volunteer editor. (Srsly, who wouldn't volunteer to edit pictures of gorgeous breasts for a fantastic cause?)

Please, join in. 'K?

Monday, September 12, 2011

Let The Madness Begin!





Be back on Friday! Well, typical of my life - come home to a shit storm. I'll be around but don't know when I'll crank out a post.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Ten Years

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost.  
 ~Arthur Schopenhauer


Monday, September 5, 2011

Back ... briefly!

Hi. How y'all doin'? Good? That's great. It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Let's see, what have I been doing?

I went up to Orlando to visit with my oldest nephew and his family. It was awesome to see him, his wife, their son (my GREAT-Nephew!) who is 20 years old and handsome as all get out. Having a 20 year old great-nephew makes me feel as old as freakin' Methuselah, but it doesn't stop there, my great-niece is 16 years old and she is absolutely GORGEOUS! I haven't seen them in 10 years. It was so amazing to see them all. We had a good visit and a wonderful dinner with copious amounts of alcohol. My niece and her husband were also there with their 6 year old son. My nephew-in-law is of Asian descent. My niece is Irish/Scandinavian. Their son is so freakin' cute that I'm convinced that is the best mix in the great melting pot of the universe. He's a sweetie, too. After many plan changes, we ended up at a fantastic restaurant, not in Universal and then went to Dave & Buster's. D&B was fun but I do believe I've suffered additional hearing loss. The place was too fucking LOUD!

We had a great time and I hope it won't be another ten years before I see my nephew and his family again. I also hope we'll have more time together when we meet up again.

I also listed a shitload of stuff at my Etsy shop and on eBay. I'm lookin' to get rich $5.00+ at a pop!

I might have mentioned before that I do CrossFit. It's a very intense form of exercise, mobility training, strength training and weight training combined with mental and nutritional conditioning. People that know about CrossFit wonder why in the hell a 57 year old woman who hasn't exercised in about 40 years would want to get involved in a form of physical activity that is like pushing a truck tire up a hill. With the truck still attached. With the emergency brake on. People that don't know about it wonder the same thing after I tell them what it is. The reason I do it? I like it. I don't LOVE it and haven't gotten to the point where I look forward to Box days but I'm workin' on it. One day, in the future, I'll have guns like The Rock and will be able to crack walnuts with my thoroughly toned, shapely thighs. You'll be jealous.

The nutritional part can be a bitch. Many of the folks in the Box (that's what the place is called where we go to torture ourselves) are full-on, balls-out Paleo Diet enthusiasts. Me, not so much. I need bread and pasta and some milk in my coffee but I do want to eat healthier and make better nutritional decisions. Protein is essential for maintaining muscle. I did some research regarding hydration and nutrition before and after exercise, let me tell you there's a bunch of stuff out there on it. Most of it is boring as hell and I'm not going to put you to sleep after all this time of not being here! Bottom line is, I wanted to be able to eat something that tastes really good, is good for me and helps my body. What I found, through BLOGGERDISE, is SUPREME PROTEIN.
I contacted them for a sample to review here, what I was sent was three whole boxes of these scrumptious protein bars! I handed out some to a couple of the non-Paleo dieters at the Box, my daughter who's training for a marathon, my niece that visits the gym almost every day and a gym-rat at work. The overwhelming consensus is that these are the BEST protein bars they've ever tasted. I agree. My niece thinks the Peanut Butter & Jelly needs a bit more peanut butter but she's hard to please.

No matter what the Mars Candy Company tells you, Snickers, is NOT going to help you lose weight, maintain muscle, or make you leap tall buildings in a single bound. Snickers is candy – lot's 'o sugar around a few nuts. Try Supreme Protein's Peanut Butter Pretzel Twist and you'll never look at “healthy food” the same way. DELICIOUS! And jam-packed with vitamins, minerals and other great stuff.

I was sent the 1.75 oz (there are two sizes 1.75 oz and 3 oz) Peanut Butter Pretzel Twist, Caramel Nut Chocolate (you won't want another Snickers, ever!) and Peanut Butter & Jelly flavors. Each one is yummy, only about 200 calories, contains 15 grams of protein (whey isolate is the primary source) and zero Trans-Fat. I've eaten one a couple of days when I had no time for lunch. I felt satisfied and didn't crave more food until dinner. I also have eaten one after working out the last couple of times and do not have that shaky, weak feeling that I've gotten after a particularly hard WOD (workout of the day). Look at me with all the lingo!

I can't encourage you enough to try SUPREME PROTEIN bars. They are delicious, good for you and do not have that, “Imma gonna be chewing this thing forever!” that you get with a lot of protein bars. SUPREME PROTEIN bars are available at 7-11 stores, WalMart, Target, GNC, etc. Check their website for all retailers or you can order directly from Supreme Protein. You'll thank me. Go "Like" 'em on their FACEBOOK page, too!

(I did not receive compensation for this review. I did receive product in exchange for an honest review.)

Next week me and Mulder are off on a road-trip to North Carolina for a concert. I promise to write all about it and not take forever to do it!

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