Rollercoaster

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Baby

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Miscarriage

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Rockin' The Red Pumps Today

Tomorrow is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. The Red Pump Project is an organization that promotes HIV/AIDS awareness to women and girls, especially those that are in the high-risk demographics.

 

Today (and I'm late, as usual) bloggers are painting Blogworld RED to spread the word.  I hope you'll take a look at The Red Pump Project's site, Facebook, Twitter, etc. pages and help this very worthy cause.

 

Thanks!

 

 

Oh! BABY!

 Last Thursday, my son and his girlfriend, who are currently living with Mulder and I, announced they were having a baby.

Even freshly washed and removed from all confections, children tend to be sticky.

~ Fran Lebowitz

I'm not a “kid” person. Never have been. Calm down, I love/loved my own children. Although, if you put a gun to my head, I couldn't give you one reason why I had children other than - “Because ...” 

I do not hold other peoples babies. I don't go out of my way to check out a cute infant or child. I have no clue how to converse in “baby talk”. I've always spoken to children as if they are adults. (Actually, they tend to like that.) My eyes roll back in my head when co-workers and friends speak at length about the adorableness of their grandchildren. Needless to say, the news that I was going to be!!!A GRANDMOTHER!!!, came as a shock. Especially since the announcement came from my son and not my daughter. 

Before you think I'm a horrid person, I did have approximately 12.9 seconds of pure unadulterated joy. It was the same rush of excitement and happiness I felt when I was eight years old receiving a Chatty Cathy doll for my birthday. That was the Martha personality zooming forward. But then Lizzie took over and I looked into the gaping maw of fear, uncertainty and worry. The Abyss loomed dark and deep with no end. It does have daisies growing in it, though.

So, there you have it. My child is having a child. Joy and horror. Happiness and terror. Martha and Lizzie. That's me. Dark, twisted, silly, funny, an optimistic pessimist - no wonder I'm exhausted.

I'll be accompanying my son's girlfriend to the OB today for her first sonogram. Martha and Lizzie are raging in my head. I did smack Lizzie down long enough to buy the cutest set of onesies in Target the other day. I don't know what the future will be. Oh! How I wish I did. I'm wrangling the negative down and trying (desperately!) on the positive. I do know that I will NOT be called – grandma, granny, noni, mama, grandmother, etc. I will simply be called, Grand. 

Because I'm the grandest fucking person EVER! At least that's what I keep telling myself.

!?! WHAT !?!

HOLY FUCK!!! 

Life can change in a instant! 

To be continued ...

Inspirational

Last Thursday, I had the privilege of attending a private screening of  BOX OF SALVATION. It is a documentary about Cheryl Nasso who overcame anorexia to become one of the top female Crossfit athletes in the world.

I've been doing Crossfit on and off for over a year.  Cheryl is one of the trainers at my "box".  She is an incredible athlete, a wonderful trainer and just an all-round good person.

With all the shit going on in my life and the world lately, I found watching this film about one woman's personal journey from the bottom of the abyss to the top of the world, very inspiring.

8th Avenue Studios is trying to get to some film festivals by raising money on Kickstarter.  I recently had someone do something very nice for me and I promised to pay it forward.  I did, thanks to some Etsy sales, by becoming a backer for Box of Salvation and by donating some money to a guide dog in training who's name is Nitebyrd. Take a look at the trailer to get an idea of who Cheryl is.  Thanks!

Tweet

For The Love of Drama or Misplaced Emotions?

Saturday night Mulder and me were at the Jeff Dunham Controlled Chaos show in Sunrise. My daughter and son-in-law gave us the tickets for Christmas. If you don't know who Jeff Dunham is, watch this ~

He is absolutely astonishing and hilarious. Just take a moment to think about a ventriloquist that can fill a 21,600 seat arena. FUCK! The show was so damn funny that I was seriously afraid I'd pee myself. The man is genius. Probably more than a wee bit weird but who gives a fuck? I don't have to live with him.

About an hour into the show, I get a text alert from CBS radio notifying me that Whitney Houston has died. I felt momentary, and I mean MOMENTARY, sadness for the loss of talent and for her child. The news in no way put a damper on my enjoyment of Mr. Dunham & Co. I didn't give Whitney Houston another thought until we got back to the hotel and turned on the TV.

OHMYFUCKINGGODS!!! You would think that President Obama or Justin Bieber had been assassinated! Every damn channel had solemn talking heads, extolling the virtues and wonderment that was Whitney Houston. It was as bad as when Michael Jackson died. 

Whitney Houston was a singer. She had a terrific voice. She had fame, money, talent, a beautiful child, loving family and she chose to toss it all away with both hands for the “stress relief” drugs can bring. She did not cure cancer. She did not find a solution to global warming. She did not come up with a solution for peace in the Middle East. She never even tried to do any of these things. She was a singer. Period. 

I'll probably get some shit for posting the above picture. The person I stole it from on Facebook surely has. I'll also get shit for writing my feelings but I can take it. Listen, I fought with Bank of America for 3+ years and previously delivered a 10 pound baby vaginally – I'm tough as fucking nails. So bring it on. Like the picture says, our society is messed up. Why didn't David Hickman get the same kind of publicity that Whitney got? David Hickman and 4,473 other U.S. citizens were REAL heroes. 

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Bank of America has given us a trial modification on our mortgage. We are to pay a reduced amount for three months and a lump sum into our escrow account.  After three months, HOPEFULLY, we will be given a permanent modification.  We won't get any freebees, all overdue fees are tacked onto the end of the loan but at least it will give us some breathing room until the economy turns around.  IF the economy turns around.  

I really appreciate all your good wishes, thoughts and prayers.  I don't think I could have gotten through all this the last few years without y'all. 

♥

Lesser Demon, 1 - Satan, 0

Update coming soon ....

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR GOOD THOUGHTS, WISHES AND PRAYERS!

Poised on the Edge

Nothing is unbreakable. Given enough stress and/or pressure, diamonds and even Lonsdaleite will shatter. The pieces cannot be put back together to create the whole ever again. There is nothing in nature so strong that it will survive endless adverse conditions. Mountains crumble, giant trees die and topple, mighty rivers cease to exist and mere people can and will fall to pieces.

On Tuesday, February 7, 2012, Satan (Bank of America) and a lesser demon (my lawyer) will determine if my family and I will be homeless or if we will keep our home.

After three years of anguish while a well intentioned business failed and another four years of being lost in the maze of financial ruin, bank torture and uncertainty, I am on the edge of the final fall into the abyss.

 

Pray for me.

Wanna win something?

Donate $10.00 or more to my  Susan G. Koman Race For The Cure  page and you have a chance to win THIS from me and Eden Fantasys!  It'll make a really nice Valentine's Day present and it'll do your heart some good to donate to a great cause.

PLEASE! Thank you!

 

This will end 01/31/2012. Winner has to be willing to share their address with me so I can send you your fabulous prize!

The Team

Me and Hoda Kotb

A Woman Should ...

A WOMAN SHOULD  HAVE ..one old love she can imagine going back to.. and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...   

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...   

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..a youth she's content to leave behind...   

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age... 

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ...a set of screwdrivers, cordless drill, and a black lace bra...  

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ..one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry... 

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ...a good piece of furniture  not  previously owned by anyone else in her family.. 

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE  ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..  

A  WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a feeling of control over her  destiny... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW. ..how to fall in love without losing herself... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ..how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship... and  how to change a tire!!!!!!! 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... when to try harder... and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..how to live alone... even if she  doesn't like it... 

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...     

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a  charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...     

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day.. a month...and a year...

It's that time again ...

I like to support businesses that also promote breast cancer awareness. Eden Fantasys promotes awareness on a regular basis. I ♥ that.

In their online magazine SEXIS, last October, they had great articles about breast cancer awareness. TheScar Project by Liz Langley and I booby by Cherry Trifle, were two I particularly liked. SEXIS has an entire section devoted to health - womens AND mens health issues. The articles are well written and informative. Some are humorous but all are interesting. Eden Fantasys also sponsored a video contest to promote breast cancer awareness. You can find the winning videos HERE. Supporting not only the sexual health of it's customers but their overall health and well-being. EF is a company truly cares for their customers.

You're probably wondering why I'm talking about breast-cancer-awareness in January. Well, I live in Florida. It's always hot in Florida. In January it's a wee bit less hot than in June, July, August, etc. when most of the country holds their Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. January is when South Florida has it's race. On January 28, 2012 the 21^st annual race will be held in West Palm Beach. It's also to remind everyone that being aware of breast/prostate/testicular cancer, shouldn't just be something we're aware of for only one month. Do your self-exams EVERY month, get your mammogram and prostate exams when necessary.  

If you've been reading my blog, you know about my daughter's cancer and what she went through. If not, you can read about it HERE. Every January, we (my family and friends) take part in the South Florida Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. We walk 5K course for my daughter, for all survivors and for all those who didn't survive. We donate what we can because we know that a cure needs to be found and it needs to be found NOW!

The reason I've written about EdenFantasys in my annual post about the race is because they help make others aware. They care. EF will also give me a gift card for telling you about them and how they support breast-cancer-awareness. I in turn, will use that gift card to purchase something sweet for the person on my daughter's team who raised the most money for The Susan G. Komen Foundation to find a cure for breast cancer. If you'd like to donate to the team, you can click on that widget I've got over there on my side bar. Thank you and thanks to Eden Fantasys!

I'd also like to send a big THANK YOU to those who've donated already!