It's Scary Down Here!

Aside from having crazed face eating folks, serial killers and 93 year-olds that still have driver’s licenses and cars, Florida has some damn freaky insects and reptiles. I’ve lived down here in Hell’s foyer for 37 years.   I was born in New York. The only bugs that I remember scaring the crap out of me up there were praying mantis. In Florida, every time I turn around, there’s some new invasive species popping-up that could headline their own horror film.

The walking catfish for example, while not an insect or reptile; it can rise out of the water and WALK, people! – fish-walk on land to get to its next watery home!  No self-respecting northern fish leaves its lake to walk around looking for a better location. They know that trotting around someone’s driveway at 7:00 am will produce screams that George Romero would get hard for and being beaten to death with a souvenir Mets baseball bat is shameful.

Florida has Palmetto bugs, which are really just humongous flying cockroaches but it’s easier to screech, “There’s a Palmetto bug in the shower – KILL IT NOW!”, then “TheresahumongousflyingcockroachintheshowerKILLITNOW!”  In addition, it’s more polite to point out to your dinner host that a Palmetto bug has fallen in your drink than a cockroach.

 Snakes are also prevalent in Florida. Some are poisonous like the Coral Snake.  Just to have fun with us, Mother Nature also made the King Snake – it’s not poisonous but has the same colors as the Coral Snake but in a different pattern!  How ‘bout THAT!  Here’s the little poem you’re supposed to remember if you encounter a red, yellow and black snake – 
 

 Red Touch Yellow - Kills a Fellow

Red Touch Black - Venom Lack

Yellow Touches Red - Soon You'll Be Dead

Red Touches Black - Friend of Jack

That’s exactly what I’m gonna be doing in front of a snake, reciting poetry!  Black racers are almost as plentiful as our state bird, the mosquito.  They are harmless but still will cause me to totally loose my shit especially when I find one curled up in the dining room.  Or hanging out of the tree near my front door sticking its nasty tongue out at me.

Lizards – anoles and geckos are common sights down here in the tropics.  They’re small, cute and you get used to them fairly quickly.  I’m not partial to them in the kitchen or bedroom, though.  I’m worried I might accidently cook one in the pasta sauce or one might crawl in my ear while I’m asleep.  

So far, neither has happened but I still need to be vigilant. I’ve also gotten used to the mutant grasshoppers that look like they’ve taken steroids since birth and the dragonflies that are as big as Lear Jets.

What I haven’t gotten used to are the curly tail lizards.  These guys are HUGE!  As in baby Godzilla huge.  They are also not as timid as the little lizards.  Well, they will eat the little lizards, so there’s that. The curly tails will stand their ground when you walk by or they’ll dart out of a bush narrowly missing your foot.  They also look at you with those beady lizard eyes, seemingly thinking how you’d taste for dinner.  This guy was sunning himself on the sidewalk outside my office recently.  My taking his picture didn’t faze him in the least.  Their tails curl up when they run or slink around on their bellies looking for someone else to terrorize.

This is the only picture I actually took

I grew up in Westchester County in New York. My playgrounds were fields, woods, creeks and orchards; I never saw one snake in all those years. You can imagine my shock at seeing one making himself all cozy-like in my house! Fourteen years ago, I moved from Southern to sort of East Central Florida. Even for all the weird, wicked wildlife in my area, I’m grateful that so far we’ve avoided the iguana and giant African snail invasions.  Although, I heard that the curly tail lizards migrated from the south and we are now poised on the edge of a hostile takeover by ginormous aggressive mosquitoes so if you hear blood curdling screams coming from The Sunshine State, know that I’ve just encountered either an iguana, slipped in giant African snail slime or been skewered by a mutant mosquito.

WTF is wrong with some people?

Human beings never fail to amaze me with their self-righteousness and stupidity. It doesn’t make me sad, it makes me angry.  Unless you live another person’s life, EXACTLY as they live it, you have no right whatsoever to tell them how they should do things.

There are many ways to be “broke” – financially, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. (I know, ‘cause I’m all four!) Being so broken that you can’t follow something that was learned as children – Do onto others as you would have those do onto you – is pathetic.

I’m not saying that you can’t think what you want about another person or even bitch about it publically, especially when someone is doing harm and/or wrong. But when you question and or say hurtful things to another that is doing something good, something heartfelt, and isn’t asking you to do a damn thing, you should shut the fuck up! 

Illuminary, from Canopy In The Sunlight blogged about Regan Welder.  Regan has a GoFundMe page to raise money so he can have his damaged teeth fixed. Regan’s life, like so many others, had very low points.  He didn’t always make the right decisions. Regan is now leading a life of goodness and he wants to continue to share what he has learned, helping other people to find the light in themselves to have a happy, hopeful existence in this world.  He wants to make The Universe a better place.  Regan is asking for donations.  He isn’t putting a gun to anyone’s head.  Give him some money or don’t.  It’s all up to you.  Illuminary shared Regan’s story and his page. She didn’t plead nor did she demand you donate.  Regan touched her and she wanted to help.  Y’all can’t see a problem, can you?

The lovely Illuminary decided to hold an auction to raise some additional funds for Regan.  She is an artist.  A real live amazing artist!  Because her money is scarce and precious, she MADE something wonderful to auction off.  Another artist friend also donated a piece of her work to the auction.  (If I hadn’t been such a slacker, I also would have gotten something together to add.  I’m ashamed of myself.)  Illuminary held the auction on her blog.  As you can see, no actual money was spent by Illuminary for Regan.  What she gave was much more valuable than money, she gave her time, her skills, her love.  Illuminary gave from her heart, not her purse.

And wouldn’t you know it, some asshat had the nerve to query her about her finances!  This POS wanted to know how she could manage to create something since she has no money!!!  From my understanding, they actually posted this inanity in the comment section of her blog.  The temerity of some people is astounding.

Like I said, people can be broke in many ways but I’m glad that neither I nor Illuminary and many others aren’t so broken that we can no longer recognize how to see and to add a wee bit of goodness to the world.

If you’d like to know more about Regan here’s links to his GoFundMe page, his blog and his Twitter account.  Find Illuminary HERE and HERE.

For the foreseeable future, I’m going to donate 15% of all my Etsy and eBay sales to Regan. 

It Ain't Just BBQ's!

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree.

 ~Thomas Campbell

Eat it, dammit!

Few things really piss me off. (All right, there are A LOT of things that really piss me off but I’m not writing War and Peace right now.)  If you want to see my head explode and hear my Exorcist voice, ask me, “What’s for dinner?”  Those three words make my blood boil.  Another thing that makes me furious is half-donut-eaters.

Y’all must know people like this.  They are either the largest person in the group or the skinniest bitch around.  From my experience, they are never average to slightly overweight people.  They are always the extremes.  And, their donut etiquette sucks.

Nothing is more pathetic than seeing a box of donuts that is riddled with halves.  Poor mangled (‘cause Gods forbid you use a knife!) glazed, sad filled ones oozing jelly or cream like a zombie ravaged head, wretched chocolate covered pieces, their ends drying out by the minute.  It’s disgusting and downright rude.

Grow a set people and eat the whole damn donut!  I know you can do it.  For the large/BBW or M/fat/fluffy/roly-poly/big, etc. folks, you’re not fooling anyone by only eating half a donut.  I know you can eat a whole one and probably have on more than one occasion. I DON’T CARE!  You obviously eat and do a damn good job of it.  Just because there are other people around won’t make you look thinner if you only eat part of a donut (or half your lunch salad with lemon, for that matter)!  If you’re on a diet, don’t eat any part of a donut!  By ripping it in half doesn’t mean the ratty part you left in the box kept the calories.  Jeez!

For all you waifs that are model thin and look like heroin addicts, I know you’re skinny.  Your adolescent boy-like figure is a perfect size -0.  Lots of men love women without tits.  I’m sure that a whole donut will fill you up for days and days.  I DON’T CARE, eat the whole damn donut!  If you are a full-grown woman that only weighs 99 pounds and you can’t eat a whole donut, get some medical and/or psychological help.  Worrying that the donut will make you gain a pound and whining to everyone, "How bloated!" you are will burn up those calories in no time. Bitches!

So now you’ve been warned.  I’m a slightly overweight, mildly psychotic, rage filled-woman that will throw out with abandon anymore donut halves I see (or I might stab you in the ear with the knife you didn't use).  I don’t care much for donuts myself but the wanton destruction of pastry is just too much for me to bear.  I won’t even get started on half-cookie-eaters.

 
Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit,
 and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.  
 
~Rosa Parks

 

We are hurting, again.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

 

I guess y'all who are coming 'round to read my blog have figured out it's gone through a change of theme.  When I began writing, I thought I would titillate you with my exciting and varied personal experiences with new people as I set off on my trek to find the wild, crazy, adventurous woman I used to be/thought I was.  Apparently, my alter personality, Lizzie, was talking loudly, acting boldly about 6.5 years ago and now my other alter, Martha, along with the assistance of a daily dose of Effexor, has beaten her into submission. After all, Lizzie and Martha live inside the brain and body of me - nitebyrd, now affectionately known as Zombie Grand.

When I first began to blog, aag (Always Aroused Girl) was my main inspiration along with Lady In Red, Ronjazz, Fat Controller, Rupert, Eve In Chains, and Pixie Pie. They are all gone now.  FC does post now and again, though.  I also read Southern Sage, Riff Dog and Spiky, regularly.  Sadly, they are no longer around because they were "outed" to loved ones that didn't know about their blogs. Trolls are the internets version of bullies. Trolls are worse though, because they're anonymous.  All of my former favorites were primarily sexual in content but not completely.  While reading and learning about and/or from others sexy lives is great, knowing the about the whole person (not just their sex organs) via their writing is even better.  I realized that when I began reading blogs like Vent, Forks Off At The Moment, Everything and Nothing, It's On Random and Mary Says. I started to branch out in the blog world more and more after a very ugly incident a few years ago because one so-called "sex blogger" got into a dick measuring contest with another. He was very pissed-off when he found out he didn't measure up to the guy he was calling out. The thing was a debacle that soured my view of that type of blogging.  I figured out, you can't just watch one movie, you can't just eat spaghetti, you can't just listen to Nickelback (or can you?), you can't just have sex 24/7 and you can't just read sex blogs.  Well, I guess you can if you want to be sorta restrictive in your view of things.

About a year ago, I was going through a terribly difficult time mentally and emotionally.  The problems that I'd experienced since 2005 seemed to be growing uncontrollably. I wasn't coping with anything.  After finally visiting my doctor and getting my antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication upped, I began to feel better. Better in that while I had more mental clarity, I lost all emotions/feelings.  Now, I'm not telling you this for sympathy.  I don't need it, really.  Being able to THINK and concentrate for more than a nano-second is way more important to me than having normal feelings and/or emotions.  My stoic Scotch heritage gifted me with weak emotions to begin with so I'm not missing too much.  And my ability to "fake it" comes in handy to those that don't know me. I can deal with being a zombie.Trust me, I truly can.  I've written about this before so I'm not going into great detail.  Y'all who commented got it!

While I'm okay with my total lack of feelings and those that I'm close to either don't know or don't care, I don't want to have to explain it or "fake it" (because "faking it" is really exhausting. I can only do it for short periods of time) to any one new. I also don't think it's fair to become involved with people that want/need more from me than I can give.  Others don't share my zombie-dom and I cannot in good conscious expect them to.  Although I divorced Mulder a few years ago, we still live together.  We've known each other for over 40 years. He knows what is wrong with me, he mostly can deal with it and that's okay. I know him, my routine is pretty much set and that's a good deal for an automaton like me.  It ain't perfect but then what is?

From childhood, I learned how to entertain myself.  I don't mind being alone (but never am!).  With Martha and a subdued Lizzie knocking around in my head, it's almost like having a tea party everyday.  I like to craft, sew and have recently started stitching again.  I tried crochet 'cause I love that Amigurumi stuff but lemme tell you, zombies are crap at crocheting!  I also now have my son, his girlfriend and my grandson living with us.  For how long, I don't know but it is what it is and I enjoy the hell out of seeing my son get payback.  I also enjoy (who knew?) having a baby around and watching Mulder get all grandpa goofy around the kid.  I've had people tell me that Mulder and I are crazy for having them live with us (shut the fuck up!) and others say that that's how families lived years ago (thank you, President Obama for sending the middle-class back 70 years!).  I don't care what other people think, it's my choice, my life.  We, me and my family, are doing what we can, all we can to survive. I'm sure most of you understand that perfectly!

This is basically my way of saying, since there isn't sex or sexy things in my life, there won't be any in my blog.  The affiliate programs for most toy companies have changed and I certainly don't need any more sex toys.  I've got a box of 'em and I can't think of anything "crafty" to do with them.  I won't be doing reviews anymore.  I may or may not take them all off my side bar.  I might try to promote some baby stuff that'll help grandparents or some craft and stitching things.  There's a few Etsy shops I'd like to review. I'd also like to show y'all some of the stuff I'm making.  My daughter and I took a glass blowing class, went to a painting class and a ceramics painting thing.  Stuff like this is good for me - keeps my mind off other things that I don't really want to think about. I'm going to write about things that interest me, things that I think are funny, beautiful, thought provoking, stupid, weird - whatever.  I'll be updating my blog-roll and pages, soon.  I won't stop swearing and going off on tangents.  I'm not going to start looking for Jesus or any other saviour.  I'm still going to rant when necessary. I'm still going to love, no LOVE Nickelback. And I'm still going to be coming to the blogs I enjoy.  While there won't be any wild crazy monkey sex posts, I will be posting about the day to day life of a zombie - could prove interesting, ya think?

Will you still come to read?  I hope most of you will and I also hope new readers will come by.  For those of you that won't - I understand.  I do want to thank each and every one of you again, for reading my blog and leaving comments even when I had fallen in the abyss or was too busy to respond.  YOU honor me by becoming a part of my life and by allowing me to become part of yours.

Look what the stork dropped off!

Meet my new grandson.  Yup! I'm officially fucking old a GRAND!

He arrived at 4:30 am Monday.

He weighed 9 pounds, 15 ounces

He was 21.5 inches long.

He is beautiful.

He crossed the rainbow bridge today ....

Antonio Blue

October 8, 2000 ~ March  6, 2013

 

 

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

  ~Roger Caras

Shower Pictures!

THE CAKE!

 It was fabulous!  Fresh strawberry filling. It's strawberry season in Hell, so - YUM!

 Mom-to-Be and my daughter (she was amazingly helpful!) opening some gifts. I don't know where my daughter got her organizational skills. She was like a general! Me? I was like some psycho chef-dishwasher-cruise director!

THE CENTERPIECE

FLOWER ARRANGEMENT and PERSONALIZED CANDIES

 I'm going to give links to the Etsy and eBay shops that I used to purchase some of these things.  I need to get my daughter to get me a bit more organized. I will put them up soon, though! Promise!

This is Mom-to-Be with her mother and aunt.  Her mother is waging her fourth war with breast cancer. Send her some good thoughts, please. Thank you.

My house looks like Babies R Us is using it as a warehouse. The baby is due March 10th. I'm trying to quit smoking. Stanley Steemer is here as we speak, sucking the filth out of my air vents and coils. We're in the process of switching rooms around and trying to find places for all the shit we've accumulated over the years. Goodwill is benefiting when we can't find a spot to put stuff.

Since I've already lost what was left of my mind and am in full-tilt, balls-out zombie mode, I'll be fine.

What I've been doing lately

Planning a baby shower!  It's this Saturday.  Update and pictures to follow!

What've y'all been up to?

It's that time again ...

I'm off to beautiful West Palm Beach to walk for The Cure!  I couldn't run if y'all paid me!

My life has been busy, busy, busy since Thanksgiving and I've got a backlog of posts and no damn time!  I've missed reading your blogs terribly.  I also must apologize for not responding to comments.  I'm such a shit!

While I'm late with this post, I wanted to let you know that I'm going.  My RACE PAGE is HERE - as you can see, I'm also behind in getting donations.  Ah, well!

Have a great weekend.  To all my friends up north, stay safe and stay warm!

Inflation

Today, Mulder put the Christmas stuff up in the attic.  While he was there, he decided to take down some old junk. (Just what I wanted on a Sunday! ACK!)  I was sorting through an box of old papers that were my mothers and found the receipt from when she had my sister.  She was in the hospital for TEN DAYS!!! after a normal birth!  I know, right!  The charge for the hospital, the delivery, the nursery was ... wait for it ...

$76.50

This was 1934.  My mother and her husband had made a $5.00 deposit so they only had to pay $71.50 to bring my sister home.

When my son's girlfriend delivers this March, the OB alone is $8,000.00.  Haven't found out what the hospital is going to charge.  The mind boggles.